It's a sad state of affairs.
One thing that hasn't changed is my love of the first week of the tournament. It's funny, the first year I'm not working full-time in nearly a decade and the NCAA has live game feeds on the Interweb. The bastards.
Nothing is more fun than bracket time. I can't remember much from oh, say 1996 to 2001-ish, but I remember a surprising amount of hoop. Go figure, huh?
From upsets of Kansas (a running tradition) to strong showings by Old Dirty University (at Goldie's where the PBR is always a buck a pint) I remember a lot more of those games than other things. So, when I sat down today to actually focus on the games, it was nice. No bars, no distractions, just me and the dog eating peanuts and Milkbones.
Here were the high points:
Pregame: One of UConn's forwards (I think) is going on and on about his philosophy in life and how college basketball is cool and all, but he's really concerned about his daughter and raising her right... Awwww...
So, when did the whole high school baby thing become OK with the Bible Belt? I mean, I'm happy we've reached this point where unwed parents aren't run out of town and told never to return, but the whiners from the Red States need a liaison or something to inform the rest of us of what they're going to object to.
I mean, nipples on TV isn't cool, but multiple kids fathered by college players is now after 20 years of that being taboo? It's confusing - we need a State of the Red States Address every year. What's Jeff Foxworthy doing these days?Postgame - LSU: Glen "Big Baby" Davis is on CBS after his game with a teammate. Afterwards, he thanks God, who apparently never gave up on Louisiana State University. God was unavailable for comment, as he sat sobbing with joy in the stands, his tears smudging the tiger print painted on his face and repeatedly whispering, "We're going to Indy... we're going to Indy..."
"We're still not satisfied yet," says Davis on national television. "We've got tapeworms in our belly."
I'm at a loss for words, but I'd be more inclined to believe him if the didn't look like Tony Siragusa's stand in.
Between games: Peyton Manning is on TV welcoming the NCAA audience to visit Indianapolis, home of the Final Four. The more I hear Bill Simmons pitching it, the more I agree. These types of events should all be held in Las Vegas. Build a football stadium and a basketball court and hold those events there. For pretty much any event that has mandated a neutral site, hold it in Vegas. This makes more sense than anyone will admit.
So, Manning or a fairly lifelike puppet of Manning, mails in his greeting, stiltedly telling the audience, "Can't wait to see some basketball... ... ... In Indy." All monotone, odd timing, and it looks like someone has a gun pointed at him from off camera.
Something tells me the Colts had to call Manning a few weeks ago and tell him he needed to do this.
Colts: Yeah, CBS is really busting our stones over this. It's part of their NFL deal and they can pretty much make us do at least five of these things in the offseason.
Manning: What? Really? Are you serious, man? Damn. I need to take the vacuum in to get fixed and the dog needs to get to the groomer on Tuesday...
Colts: Yeah, we know, thanks for this it means a lot to the organization... OK, gotta go, bye!
Manning: Wait! Hold on... hello? Hello? Shit.
Halftime of the UCLA-Memphis game: Davis is shown cutting down the nets wearing a yellow boa (see photo). I swear that for a split second he looks like Star Jones and he crawls up the ladder. I wish that I could find that shot here. It was John Goodman as Linda Tripp all over again.Middle of the UCLA - Memphis second half: If the announcers are going to insist on calling tall players "Long players" can they at least refrain from doing this within 15 seconds of promos for The Unit? Some of us will never be mature enough to handle the words "long unit" without giggling and most of us are watching sports on the weekend.
Overtime - How I Met Your Mother: Two stellar lines tonight:
"How much did I drink? How did I sprain my ankle? Who is this girl in my bed?" If you've never gotten out of bed to discover that you've sprained an ankle, broken a foot or toe of driven a nail into your thigh... Thank your lucky stars. I swear that the best way to wrench an ankle is to put all your weight on one you twisted the night before... then forgot about it when you woke up.
For anyone who has done this, you know I'm on the right track when I say you could sell giant stickers that have warnings about putting your weight on your foot that you'd stick onto your leg the night before and hope you'd see it when you woke up. It'd be like printing money.
And finally:
"Hey, how easy do you think think it'd be to, like, sneak into the zoo? I have to see some penguins, like, right now." Your honor... mistakes were made.
(Photos from: NCAA.org / Gamespy.com)
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