One last go round

Mr. Lucetti was more than right, that rat bastard.

My health teacher freshman year of high school hit the nail on the head and I couldn't be more chagrined.

(Side note: this was the same health class that had a small project entitled "The last day on earth" where we had to make a representation of all the things we would do, given just one more day before we died. The world famous Frank the Tank left the bottom quarter of his poster blank, except for a pizza and a large black square. He explained (to the entire class mind you) that he'd want to knock boots and after that, he'd be pretty hungry, hence the pizza. It may or may not be the first time that I sat back and thought, "I need to be friends with that guy..."

It is also worth noting that my presentation involved taking a tank through a gas station and throwing the San Diego Chicken a beating so severe that his offspring would have black eyes for generations.

Neither of us were reprimanded in any way, shape or form... It was 1993, it was a different time, people.)

Regardless, Mr. Lu told all the guys that we would be living our lives, devouring whole sides of beef with sour cream and bacon until we hit college and at some point our metabolism would stall out like a rusty Buick in rush hour traffic.

We'd never see it coming and we'd get big old guy bellies and no longer be the prize specimens we were at that point. Damn if he wasn't right.

I'm prepping for my big crisis at 30 (now less than 2 years away) by trying new, more healthful lifestyle choices. The bike is gathering dust as I can't commute on it any longer, but every now and again I'll grab a diet soda or, you know, not eat like I have two assholes.

While Coke Zero has a taste I've described as less than appealing - The Girl: Oh, how is that? I've been meaning to try it! Me: It tastes like chalky semen. - Diet Coke will work in a pinch some days.

The plan is to work up to being a somewhat normal human being by the time I roll over three decades on the odometer. However, if I were to die shortly after that, I'd have a major bone to pick with whomever is waiting on the other side.

Even Frankie got a last pizza.

(Image from: fnn247.com)