Hot Shit!

I never thought there would come a day when I would shop for a heated toilet seat.

Never.

I always figured I'd just tough it out, winter can't last that long, some people take cold showers to wake up... in short my inherent cheapness would overpower my stunning ability to self-delude...

I was wrong.

Here's the deal, cash in hand, I went to Menard's and looked around a bit.

"It's Minneapolis in February, they have to have these things," I thought. And I thought wrong. In fact the toilet man in Menard's silently judged me as a man who sits when he pees for even asking if they carried such heated seats in stock. No joke, he stood there and judged me like I'd asked if they had men's capri pants. The rat bastard.

Long story, short, I turn to my good friend, Interweb and asked it if it could sell me a heated seat so that my yam bag doesn't stick to the seat in the morning when it's time to take the Browns to the Super Bowl and Interweb told me to screw off.

You see, in addition to stonewalling the Minneapolis toilet market, Kohler, Bemis and other toilet seat manufacturers have decided not to make heated seats for round toilet bowls (roughly 15-16 inches stem to stern) only for elongated bowls (17-19 inches).

It has been a day of few answers and frozen grapes.

Boy howdy, do I love this frozen little slice of hell.

(Photo from Kohler.com)