So, who do I call for you being a jerk?

I'm going to make an excellent old guy.

"Stay off my lawn!"

"Whaddaya mean there's no early bird special?"

"I need my diaper changed!"

To get in the swing of things, I have several small battles simmering at all times. Short, quiet, battles with parties who are largely unaware that we're even warring, it gives me things to do when I'm not at work or sleeping.

If you think this would make things more difficult or any less venemous on my part, you'd be mistaken. Just ask those bastards from the department of streets and sanitation.

Their constant ticketing of my trash cans for infractions from too much garbage to bags being too heavy - no joke on either of those -
has earned them my wrath on trash day. I hope they enjoy unwrapped dog crap in the cans and hope there's a check box for it on their fake tickets.

Jerks.

Unfortunately, when wee get anonymous write-ups for a barking dog, I'm limited as to where I can direct my anger. First infractions mean that you can just call and complain without giving a name.

Our first official write-up was Thanksgiving Day at 3 p.m., while the most recent occurred at 4:45 p.m. this Wednesday.

Now, considering we're owners of one dog out of seven or eight on the block, this really pisses me off. Where do I call for crying babies, kids howling up and down the sidewalks, neighbors demolishing garages and pounding in new fenceposts (7:30 a.m.) or lawn care before 8 a.m. on the weekends?

Given that all of these activites have occurred within earshot of a barking dog, I know the culprits are guilty of at least one of these noise violations.

Is there some department of hypocritical, noisy jerkoffs?

Would that be listed in the D's or the J's? I'm just curious.

(Image from BloggingPet.com)