What will you do with your extra second?

In a quirk of modern timekeeping, we'll have a leap second this year - details here if you are stuck at work today and you're desperately looking for something to read - which obviously begs the question, "What can you actually do with one second?"

In all honesty, I can't think of many things you can do with that extra second. I think it would be pretty fun if the Times Square countdown stutter-stepped just to mess with people.

Five, four, three, two, one, one?

Aside from a sneeze or snapping your fingers, what really takes a second? Oh, you can also pronounce the word, "Mississippi" which, as we all know, is the United States' official designation of one second for touch football pass rushing and hide and go seek laws. Do not mess with the powerful hide and go seek lobby - they will end you.

Judging by the Facebook turnout, most people are ready for 2008 to be done with and for a variety of reasons that they're pretty coy about. I'm in between, as 2008 has been a pretty fun year for me, all told.

On the other hand, 2009 is on track to be a big year for me personally.

It should hopefully be the year my first kid is born and likely the year my wife and I buy our first home. I'm hoping it isn't also the year that the Great Depression comes back for seconds, that the earth doesn't spin into the sun or that the White Sox win the World Series again, but that's all small potatoes in my little universe.

I guess that's the funny thing I'm noticing as I get older. As my world perspective grows exponentially and I get a firmer grasp on all sorts of strange and wonderful things that interest me from history to auto repair to the inner workings of a pitched baseball, the things that actually matter most to me are shrinking down in the scope of the world's perspective.

It's comforting, really. While I would have given pretty much anything for one of my teams to win a championship at age 9 or 10, I'd trade most anything for a healthy baby, for a few extra years with my wife or for a little more time with a friend of mine who is battling cancer.

It's funny that while your awareness of the world around you expands, your interest in that fades and you begin to focus on the people and places within your reach. I'd like to think that it's not really a loss of innocence or passion, just a redirection of focus and a shuffling of personal priorities.

When I was a tiny little guy, my Dad would take me to the zoos and museums in Chicago and at that age, I couldn't fathom anything more valuable than the Field Museum. Sweet fancy Moses, it had dinosaurs. Dinosaurs that you could see any time you pleased if you owned the place.

I asked my dad once if he would trade me for the Field Museum and he said no way. At the time, I thought he was nuts, but he's become more and more sane with each passing year. Besides, memberships there are surprisingly affordable today.

So, I guess if there's anything to be done with that extra second tonight, it's probably best that it's coming around this year for me. I can use that extra second for one quick deep breath as I prepare to plunge headlong into a huge year for me and my growing family.

When I think about it in those terms, it may be the longest second of my life.

(Image from: 3Planesoft.com)

Maybe I should be a bounty hunter

So, there's not that much on Wednesday night TV these days.

Sure, I could probably do 100 other things - that's counting the Netflix streaming directly to my TiVo and Xbox 360 - but most of those require more effort than flipping around cable TV.

When left alone, I settle on Dog the Bounty Hunter and Parking Wars on A&E. For the record, my all-time favorite bounty hunters on TV were the Evangelistas of HBO's Family Bonds. They worked out of New York and were always fascinating to watch.

For intentional and unintentional comedy, these guys were the best. Take your Christmas money from grandma and buy these DVDs if you have any interest in things that are awesome.

The big difference is that they seem to work a little harder than Dog and his family. Nothing against Dog, but drug addicts in sunny Hawaii seem to be a little more mellow than those from the Empire State.

Here is the basic rundown of most episodes of Dog the Bounty Hunter:

1.) Prepare, get psyched and pray.
2.) Drive around looking concerned.
3.) Snatch the bail jumper. They rarely run.
4.) Scream and yell as groggy jumper mutters, "Huh?"
5.) Cuff, stuff in SUV.
6.) Bond with new friends. Use the word "brother" a lot.
7.) Dump jumper into custody.

Seeing this, it seems like a pretty easy job. Not enough to make me grab a can of mace and a pair of handcuffs, but it seems like a pretty fun fallback.

The death of the in-store paging system

A few months ago, I had the dubious pleasure of attending the Red Bull Flugtag here in Chicago.

That was about three different flavors of crazy, largely because of the armies of people who worship at the altar of Red Bull. Honestly, I had no idea these people existed.

While I went to see people crash gigantic pinatas into the lake, others came because they love Red Bull more than the family dog. Yeah, it was odd.

One of the things that struck me - more than the number of unfortunate tattoos and sleeveless shirts - was an announcement to make sure people knew where they'd meet each other if they got separated in the crowds.

I haven't heard this for roughly a decade.

It's so easy today to call back and forth if there's an issue that it's pretty strange to think of what a hassle events like this used to be. If I get cut off from the herd, I pull out my phone and call or text and the problem is solved.

The "will so and so please meet their party in the east end of the park..." message faded so quickly that I never had time to even miss it.

Today, I e-mailed a friend to try and get the username and password for something and didn't think twice about getting a response in a matter of moments. If he wasn't at a computer, his e-mail would buzz through on his phone and the problem would be solved.

I was getting election results from my dad this year faster than CNN could update me on live TV. I know about the weather by checking my phone on the bus by tapping three buttons and seeing the radar map in its postage stamp sized glory.

Just think about that for a second (readers younger than 20 can skip this step, because it's always been like this for you). A phone in your pocket now means instant data, maps, weather reports, sports scores and news. And that's just the tip of this digital iceberg, not taking into account the number of upgrades available on the newest phones.

Say what you will about 24-hour accountability - and I am a huge opponent of it - but damn if it doesn't make life easier in the big picture.

I don't think I'm going too far to say that the stupid bar bet - "He was not the MVP in 1996!"- is on the endangered species list. I'd write more, but I just got an e-mail reply sent to my phone faster than to my laptop and it's time to turn on a little background noise as I work.

(Image from: Sybarites.org)

It's for your own good

Every few days, it dawns on me that I haven't posted in a long while. This is for your protection.

With an expectant wife, I've been trying to reign in the desire to assign meaning to every little thing because we're bringing a little person into the world in May.

Prices of peas rising because of fuel costs? Oh Lord, what kind of world are we bringing a child into?

See a worldwide tragedy? Oh my, this means so much more now that I'm going to be a dad.

I'm working through these issues, but in the meantime I'm doing my best to shelter everyone from endless posts about the changes in my little world.

All bets are off as of mid-May.

You've been warned and most web browsers make it very easy to delete bookmarks when I reach a point of total insufferability. Consider it my holiday gift to you.

The benefit of the doubt

I get it, Republicans. I've been there.

There's no way the President-Elect was voted in fairly. There's no way this was the will of the people, much less a mandate.

Get over it. It'll be much better for your blood pressure over the next calendar year.

There is no liberal media conspiracy. There is no overwhelming order from some sinister place that determines what type of coverage is presented. There are problems with "the storyline" of any given campaign and a reluctance to break from that storyline. This is not something new.

Know what? Today's media consumer is too picky to listen to anything that deviates from their view of the storyline.

Sarah Palin isn't a folksy, charming woman? Liberal slander! Barack Obama is an ambitious man and not the aw shucks candidate swept up in the will of the people and their desire for change? Turn off Fox News!

I suppose it is impressive that the first stage of this odd sequence for both the Bush and Obama administrations begin with conspiracy theories - that we blame outside forces before we blame each other - but it's a little tiresome.

I'll skip to the spoiler and what I needed to get off my chest this evening:

I voted for Obama and I meant to do it.

I wasn't blinded by star power. I wasn't swayed by the media. I didn't see a fancy commercial on the Internet and decide to vote for him. I did my homework and I voted for Obama.

You may not agree with my reasons for doing so and I certainly don't expect you value the things I do, or to weight them the same ways I do. But don't think for a second that I made an uninformed decision because of the result of that final decision.

I mention this because I spent enough time on the other side of this equation to understand what these first few weeks are like. Not for nothing, but at least this election is recount-free, so keep that in mind as you whine and forward new polls to me.

At the end of that bitter path is the realization that while you might not agree, other people have valid opinions as well. While you might feel personally out of touch with the majority of your countrymen, it's pretty arrogant to assume that everyone who voted differently than you is an idiot or was duped into doing so.

Trust me - I spent far too much time assuming that all the idiots who voted Bush were duped. It didn't do much good in the long run. It certainly doesn't help in the event of a successful re-election run.

For love or money?

I have said from the beginning here that I would shy away from politics more often than not because a.) I'm just not informed enough to speak on it in any sort of responsible manner and b.) it precipitates nasty flame wars, even on quiet little blogs such as this. If you need any evidence of just how hot this year's campaign season got, I suggest grabbing a Facebook account and trashing either Barack Obama or John McCain publicly.

Still, the politics that move this country have me thinking and so there may be minor flood of posts with the "politics" tag that thus far has been used sparingly.

More to the point are the ideas advanced by Frank the Tank in his call for change within the GOP. I was also moved by the lengthy and well-reasoned response in the first comment that runs nearly as long as the post itself.

Still, it's not a stretch to say that the Republican party is seen as less inclusive as the Democrats and that is a pretty strange point to arrive at when you begin with Abraham Lincoln as the first Republican president.

I tend to view the parties through a strange prism of what the average voter sees, and by that I tend to weigh the consensus more heavily than the actual nuts and bolts of of each party's political machine. For example, in discussing McCain taking the fall for GOP leaders and their place in the economic crisis with Frank, I can understand that the blame shouldn't fall directly on the Republicans, but unless they could effectively sway voter perceptions, it's a moot point.

Call me uninformed or blind to the fleecing at the hands of a liberal media - a major sore spot for me - but really, if you can't realistically take the pulse of the electorate, you're essentially arguing policy in a vacuum.

With that out of the way, I think it's safe to say that Democrats are seen as the warm, fuzzy candidates and while recent history bears out that people don't always want that quality in their candidate for office, it makes things difficult for GOP candidates courting votes in low-income areas or with the nation's various minority groups.

It also highlights one of the major trains of thought I've had since Tuesday and especially with regards to a few discussions with Frank. (It's worth noting that he is my main source of dissenting opinion because he can carefully formulate articulate arguments without using the words "liberal media," "idiot," "hippie" or "Fox News said." Also, he eats the same garbage food I do when our wives aren't watching, so we are able to plow through all sorts of strange political topics over breaded steak sandwiches at Ricobene's.)

In a few discussions this fall, Frank has repeatedly pointed out that he is fiscally conservative and socially progressive - in short, that he supports many pieces of the Democratic platform when it comes to social issues but can't get behind their economic policy.

To be totally honest, I don't think that I could accurately (much less gracefully) explain the Democratic plans for the economy if I was spotted an hour in the library and a cabinet of top-level advisors. I don't imagine that I'm alone with my donkey-loving brothers and sisters.

And therein lies a major question for me in the polling data - how many of those people who voted Democrat on Tuesday did so because of the party's social agenda and how many did so based on their economic policies. (It's worth noting that for the basis of what follows here, I'm effectively ignoring McCain specifically, who was polling better than "Republican Candidate X" and suffered from an odd campaign stricken by amnesia that presented the candidate in a different light than what got him to that point. Tuesday night is much more suspenseful if McCain runs his campaign with the same tone set in his concession speech.)

A major problem for the GOP, as outlined by the post that I've linked, boils down to the reality that the party needs to focus on both sides and loses voters if they push too far one way or another. I assume that the average Democrat would back an economic stimulus package based on buying a truckload of Powerball tickets if it meant supporting a candidate who would pack the Supreme Court with pro-choicers and proponents of gay marriage.

Personally, I'd have more difficult decisions to make if the GOP held the line with less government interference - because really, who wouldn't want lower taxes - when it came to those issues. Still, for the party that preaches a more hands off approach, they have the hardest lines on who you can marry and what decisions can and cannot be made by a pregnant woman.

I may not be listening well enough, but I rarely hear complaints about what something will cost from the Democratic voters, as long as they support the ideas driving it. They'll pay for universal health care, welfare and other programs as long as they think it will help (which I know is seen as a weakness by some) but I think it illustrates a major division between the voters for the two sides. It's not just what they vote for, but how they vote as well.

In short, the GOP must cater to socially conservative voters who want to ban abortion and gay marriage (and a host of other issues, but those two make for nice shorthand) as well as those who want to keep a sober eye on the bottom line, while the Democrats can focus all their attention on their social stance and not worry about losing too many voters because of the economic road map.

Personally, while I checked out Obama's tax and health care plans just to know what they entailed before I voted, there wasn't a significant chance I'd vote McCain because of the party platform. I doubt the GOP was afforded the same luxury.

And so, Frank's call for a party that loosens up a bit on the reigns and becomes a more welcoming place for a diverse block of voters isn't falling on deaf ears from either side of the aisle.

He wrote:

The Republicans have the opportunity to either perform a make-over to become a true majority party that invites intellectual debate or alternatively could choose to be a vocal minority that only cares about ideological purity. Is the party going to opt to grow and attempt to expand its base by adopting a libertarian platform in light of substantial demographic trends, even in the traditionally Republican strongholds in the South? Or is the party going to look to protect its evangelical core because they are the loudest and most activist group?

It's time for a makeover - someone has to keep the hippies in line. I saw that on Fox News.

(Image from: GOP.com)

What we want isn't always what we want

I've spent a lot of time thinking about politics this year - well, a lot more than I used to - and trying to square away all of my own biases to make sure that I'm making a good decision next Tuesday.

Unfortunately, politics in America has taken on too much of a sports flavor, with too many voters taking a "my team versus your team" stance on elections. While I can admire those who feel so strongly about core issues of abortion, gun control, etc. that they are morally obligated to vote their party's ticket, I think there is a large section of voters who are technically neutral walking into each election cycle.

As we all know, it doesn't necessarily play out like that.

Some of us like to be seen as sober and conservative and vote Republican. Some of us are trying to hang on to our younger days of being carefree and liberal and vote Democrat. Some of us at the front of a long line at McDonald's, staring at the menu and prepare to vote for the Green Party.

In the middle of a campaign, it's easy to ignore the opposition's candidate, waiting for gaffes to appear via YouTube or your Facebook wall to further shore up your own caricature of who he or she is.

I certainly do not claim to be immune to getting swept up in all of this. To be totally honest, I can't tell you why I feel Obama is more qualified to run the country than Sarah Palin. It might have to do with that winking thing, but I'm not sure.

Frankie and I were talking about this as we had lunch today and what fascinates me is just how difficult it is to create a "perfect" candidate. Set aside the actual meat of policy issues and think about just how hard it is to mold a candidate to be universally acceptable.

* We want them to be experienced, but are wary of DC insiders.

* We want them to be loose and human, but we'll question the judgement of putting them on Saturday Night Live. We'll also question whether Kennedy or Roosevelt would have danced on Ellen.

* We certainly wouldn't elect a candidate who was an abject business failure, but if they have too much money, we get suspicious.

* We'd also prefer that they've had success in their lives, but we crucify them for being too driven. We don't want a president who is too ambitious.

* We want our candidates to be smart but not to the point that they seem to be intellectually elitist. (For the record, this drives me crazy. I refuse to believe that a president can be too smart, educated or intellectually curious.)

* We want them to be sober and serious, but not like Al Gore was.

* We expect them to rely on their advisors, but question them if they lack experience. Again, we don't want them to be too smart, either.

* We want a candidate who understands what it means to be middle class in this country, without actually being middle class. Serious presidential candidates can't be cops, teachers or even plumbers before they decide to run.

* We want candidates that campaign well, but if they raise too much money, we'll question how they got it.

* We want our candidates to make connections with the voters without seeming condescending.

* We only want our candidates to look good and sound smart on television, but if they don't, we'll just blame the media. Some of us will go as far as convincing ourselves that it's unfair to ask simple questions with a camera or tape recorder present.

* We want passion, but not if it means sighing/winking/getting upset during a televised debate.

* We want them to look and smell nice, but not, you know, $150,000 nice. We also like war heroes, but not if they look like they've been in an actual war.

Safe to say, we're a pretty finicky bunch. While this was a fun hypothetical exercise to kick around for the past week, it has also depressed me as a voter.

If a candidate has to clear this many hurdles with regards to superficial window dressing, there's not a great deal of hope for someone truly dynamic to break through. That saddens me as an American on a very profound level.

You can blame candidate's handlers, the high ranking members of the party, the media (both liberaly agenda-ed and conservatively hate-based) and anyone else you like, but unfortunately, the buck stops where it starts.

This is not a candidate problem, it's a voter problem. Once we can figure out what we want, I'm positive they'll dig someone out to meet those demands.

Late addition edition:

I forgot three that got the ball rolling for me in my excitement to get this written - I really should keep some sort of notebook for this reason.

* We want our candidates to represent our changing country, but let's keep the names less terrorist-y.

* We want our candidates to be their own person - mavericks at times - but ignore that voting the party line is what they are elected to do. They are in office to represent the voters and at times that means voting for things they might not be totally behind.

* We want our candidates to learn from their mistakes, but if they change their minds too many times, they're tabbed as flip-floppers.

(Image from PunditKitchen.com)

Got two? Need two?

In what is becoming a big, big mess, the tickets to the Tuesday night Obama rally are gone and people are trying to find tickets by any means possible.

In 2008, this of course means that people are hitting the Internet. The hitch is that you need a photo ID and so those blocks of two tickets are really a "one plus" situation.

Buddy system, anyone?

My favorite part of the Tribune's write up is the analysis of the Google trends feature, served with a side of sarcasm:

The Web site Google Trends recorded a heavy volume of searches for "Obama rally tickets" at 8 p.m. Tuesday and an even bigger spike at 7 a.m. today - making it the 38th most popular search term this morning on Google, behind "Rashid Khalidi" and "Tracy Morgan," but still more urgent than "vivisection" and "Halloween facts."

Well, at least we have our priorities straight. I need my Tracy Morgan news at least twice a week, but then, who doesn't?

Grasping at the cool straws

I was driving home last night and hit a dead spot on my radio presets. Moving from the one button to the six, I had a string of commercials that prompted me to start hitting the seek button to find something to entertain me for a few minutes.

One of the first hits was for Q101, Chicago's old standby for alternative music that was a fixture in high school. It hit me at that point that my radio isn't as cutting edge as it used to be.

I have WXRT, which is one of the best rock stations in the country, NPR, a country station, a 70s rock station, an adult Top 40 station and the blank station that I use for my iPod.

I'm betting that one of the signs of adulthood in the Chicagoland area has to be the extinction of Q101 on the preset dial and the addition of NPR.

I never saw it coming, but then again, if my radio somehow got stuck on NPR and couldn't be changed, I wouldn't be in a big rush to take it in for repair. Well, at least until the cash drive twice a year.

(Image from: MobileFun.co.uk)

The fight for your living room

If anyone has purchased a next-gen gaming system in the past three years or so, they have discovered one overriding principle in the experience.

The Xbox 360 and the Playstation 3 have higher inspirations than simply playing games or occasionally firing up a DVD when your stand alone player goes up in flames.

They're jockeying to be the air traffic controller of your entire living room.

Microsoft is starting to drum up more noise for their revamped Xbox Live content, which honestly makes it look like a Wii knockoff.

Most interesting to me, Microsoft has entered into a partnership to stream the instantly viewable movies to the Xbox 360 and straight through to your TV. Taking the laptop/VGA piece out of the equation sounds great.

The constant annexation does not.

I'm already uncomfortable with the isolation that's build into my iPod, so as Microsoft keeps making footholds, I'm a little uneasy with this.

Sure, it works out well for me as an Xbox owner, but if I'd gone the PS3 route, I'm out in the cold right now. It's not a stretch to see proprietary hardware, software and cabling taking the whole system down in short order.

I'm really torn on this one. On the one hand, I can't stand system-specific lockdowns that force people to buy only one hardware line.

On the other, this looks pretty cool and I'm a little excited to see what else is included in the next wave of technology. I'm guessing Microsoft wouldn't agree to any partnership with Netflix that leaves them a gap to stream video to the other consoles as well.

(Image from: TheTechHerald.com)

The Neal Factor

Coming back from the grocery store tonight I almost tripped over the eternal keg monument in our backyard. This is the keg that's been out back since Cinco de Mayo and now it has two new friends from the last annoyance our downstairs neighbors held a week and a half ago.

The general rule in these situations is to think back and try to objectively determine if we were any better or worse when I was 24. Did we leave kegs out? Did we annoy the neighbors or try to remain somewhat respectful? Were we ever this stupid?

Usually the answer to any and all of these questions is no.

Granted, we lived in an apartment filled with people in our age group who didn't care, but in terms of making sure that we kept our noses clean and that problems didn't crop up for months on end, we had an advantage.

We had Neal.

While three of the four roommates were pretty content to just let things be and constantly procrastinate, Neal generally kept at us to do the right thing.

While I'm sure a combination of personal responsibility and poverty would have gotten us in gear to return a keg within the same calendar year that it was purchased, we had that one roommate who would remind us to get it done sooner versus later.

Not even in a mean or a condescending way - more of a "fun is fun... now go clean it up" kind of way. After all, this is the same guy who shook a two liter of soda for a few minutes and then whacked it with golf club.

The Neal Factor is not a bad thing. I think everyone is better off when the Neal Factor is in play.

I assume that the three people below us are much worse than the three roommates - myself included - we had and lack any sort of personal responsibility, but there are ways around that.

Hypothetically speaking, I'm almost positive that the scrappers that prowl Chicago's alleys will get bolder in two weeks' time. I'd wager heavily that they've gotten so bold that they'd walk right into our backyard and remove three empty kegs without even thinking twice.

How else would three kegs just disappear by our anniversary on October 20?

(Image from: CBC.ca)

Hold your horses

It's a weak explanation for the silence here, but things have taken on a life of their own at the tour company where I work. Despite my best attempts to alienate customers and never give more than 50 percent effort on any given day, I'm moving to a management role.

I know, I was hoping for zero responsibility for the entire summer, too.

Here, this should help to amuse you. Or you know, anger you. One of the two.

Also, this outstanding rant from Frankie. God, what a wonderful human being and he proves it by dropping this on unsuspecting readers of his blog:

Once again, the lesson for ordering pizza in a group is (1) meat, (2) cheese, and (3) shoot any dissenters. When it comes to ordering pizza, you need to put the sickle down like Soviet Russia.

We'll be back on line shortly.

2K Games fails to keep up its end of our social contract

There are a lot of unspoken contracts in our modern American society. Seriously, just think about how much you aren't required to think about.

You go to any restaurant across the country and you fully expect to not only survive the experience, but to not get food poisoning or ingest any foreign objects like pennies. Likewise, when I buy a game from the store, I pretty much expect to go home, open the package, put it in my Xbox and start killing time.

Only, the video game companies of late have rushed games into production - sports games are notorious for this - and I got burned again by 2K Games which is rapidly turning into the biggest culprit in my little world.

That's not what's killing me, though. That special, irksome problem comes from the lack of respect for its customers that 2K has via its online help desk.

It's my opinion that the company is responsible for selling me a functioning product, especially for a console that has a limited number of variables. Granted, as Microsoft attempts to take over my living room (and next, the world) the consoles are becoming more complex.

Still the product should work out of the box, which 2K is now 0-for-2 on with my last two purchases. When you consider that Rockstar Games postponed the release their major cash cow, Grand Theft Auto, there's no excuse to ship a broken game to customers.

Barring that, the company should be honest and try to keep customers in the loop. If we're taking the time to go online and post to their forums with bugs and other issues we're essentially beta testing their games for free and that seems wrong.

For the $60 per game that customers plunk down, we really should expect more from those producing the games.

Finally, when users go the extra mile and do more than just throw up their hands at a problem and start flame wars on the boards - the "PS3 is better! Xbox is better!" arguements remind me of Billy Madison debating shampoo versus conditioner - they should have a human being on the other end respond, try to find an answer and let people know the updated status of their help desk tickets.

I sat down and wrote what the issue I was having, the steps I took to try and troubleshoot and the fact that the game worked for 45 minutes before crapping out. What I got back nearly two days after 2K said it would respond was a form e-mail that could have been sent without actually seeing my e-mail.

To add insult to injury, 2K won't accept a follow up from me on the issue for seven days.

I'm told to restart the game (duh), check the disc and perform a series of checks that my e-mail had already outlined as being completed. Then I'm basically told that the game should work and 2K seems to have the issue written off as addressed.

I expect more out of a company than a cut and paste job, especially when I'm taking the time to troubleshoot their defective product and outline what I've already done to try and make their game playable. Additionally, this is the second time that I've watched their message boards like a hawk to get word on when the updates to fix gameplay would be available. It's also the second time that their representatives have promised a date for release, seen that date pass and then hidden from their customers who only wanted to know what the new timeline looked like.

Seeing as I live for the new year's baseball title - which is locked up by 2K for the forseeable future - 2K's incompetence has me ready to buy a PS3 so I can buy Sony's baseball game next season and avoid 2K altogether.

Bioshock was great and all, guys, but not enough to make me ever want to do business with such a Mickey Mouse company in the future.

(Image from: KongTechnology.com)

Leadership lessons from Chef Ramsay

There are a few things I'm continually shocked by when we settle in to watch Kitchen Nightmares with celebrity chef Gordon Ramsey.

First, is that when you set your TiVo, you get the Fox version - filmed in America for American audiences - and the BBC's original version and the differences are night and day. While Americans know the chef as a foulmouthed bully who has a thesaurus of scatological terms to describe the food people prepare, the British version is a different picture.

Instead of the usual bombastic entrances, punctuated with vomiting and belittling of the waitstaff, Ramsey enters the UK's hard luck cases and almost immediately begins the hand holding and sympathetic looks. It's very different and makes me shake my head at what American audiences either demand or have responded to in the past.

Second, is that amongst the drama, he has a pretty firm grasp of leadership skills and different approaches to problems with his staff. After countless hours spent in leadership retreats, seminars and training sessions, you start to see some of the usual suspects appear in his shows.

Ramsey employs a bit of verbal slight of hand in dismissing groups from the small meetings that take place mid-show with a quick, simple, "Yes?" It's positive, short and doesn't leave a lot of room for further discussion.

Ramsey will offer a rapid fire checklist of tasks (or sometimes wholesale changes that the owners may not be on board with) to rock people back and then shove them into action with that "Yes?" It's really pretty interesting to watch once you see what he's doing.

A new one I caught last night in the follow up show - where he returned to the restaurants from last season - is his urging that his newest protegees, "don't stop." It's a little thing, but it goes a long way from his position as a giant in the celebrity chef game.

It's nothing that will change your world view, but I'm betting somewhere in his home, Chef Ramsey has a dog eared copy of a book on how to motivate and inspire his troops. It actually makes me like the guy a little more.

Being a screaming loon can only make you so interesting.

Oh yes, that guy

As far as power hitters on our city tours go, the Soldier Field stop is pretty much the crown jewel of the South Loop. Regardless of the tour group (either locals or out of towners visiting our fair city) the conversation always goes the same way.

Me: So, this is Soldier Field.

Guest: So this is the home of the Bears? (Out of town) / Woo! Bears! (In town)

Me: Yup.

Guest: Why the hell does it look like that? (Out of town) / Jesus, that looks like hell. (In town)

Me: Yup. It doesn't bother me much, I like what they've done with Lambeau.

Guest: Packers fan? What the hell is wrong with Brett Favre?

To be totally honest, I only have one major problem with the whole situation (aside from ESPN's constant coverage and their feeding the story until it spun out of control like a Tilt-a-Whirl assembled by unsupervised carnies). I feel the team was in the wrong to go down and try to bribe Favre into staying retired.

I feel that showed a total lack of class, especially for a small market, old school team that should know better. It just felt dirty to me. I know Vince Lombardi would have dropped a handful of f-bombs if it would have been suggested in his presence.

Still, after spending some time around a pro locker room - and I think it's ultimately irrelevant that it was the Packers - I feel for Favre, especially as he prepares for his 39th birthday.

Obviously, the team was tired of the on again/off again Favre saga that was a tiring dance the past few offseasons and needed to move ahead with Aaron Rodgers or get ready to lose him to free agency. I worry now with what amounts to three rookie quarterbacks on the depth chart, but there's not a lot anyone can do about it now (and no, picking up Daunte Culpepper is not a viable option).

On the Favre side of the fence, if he sits this year, he's done. The rust crops up on a 39-year-old body and no one wants to go near him next season. Professional athletes have a very short window of opportunity - whether it's a teenager skipping out on college to begin his career in the NFL or NBA or taking one last shot before retirement - and I will never fault them for trying to make the most of their moment in the sun.

I will take teams to task for constantly signing retreads that have no business collecting a paycheck, but the players are hardly to blame for capitalizing on what the market is willing to offer them.

So, in short, I have no problem with the Packers sticking to their guns and going with the youth movement, especially when Favre has very little left in the tank from a calendar standpoint. I also have no problem with Favre coming to grips with his own shelf life and deciding to try and make the most of the time he has left (man, it sounds like the man is dying, doesn't it?)

It seems that most people have come to grips with this and I'm strangely proud of Packers fans who have drawn that line in the sand between being Green Bay fans and Brett Favre fans. I didn't give them enough credit in that department.

At the end of the whole soap opera, Favre comes out looking a bit foolish and selfish and the team looks stronger for standing its ground and backing the future of the franchise. The Vikings come up empty handed at their biggest weakness and the Bears are selling reversible Orton/Grossman jerseys while fans half jokingly await the Tim Tebow sweepstakes.

I just hope Packers fans are ready for life like the rest of the league now - living with an eye trained on the backup quarterbacks in case their starter is one of the three or four QBs to go down with a season ending injury.

This would be a good time to start hoping that there's no such thing as "QB Karma."

(Image from: CBSNews.com)

How does one kill big oil?

One of these days people will get wise and realize that I post way too many links to Wired and that I'd be better served by killing this blog altogether and just linking to their web site and letting everyone cherrypick stories they find interesting.

Just not today.

I hit a confluence of stories today with things I'd read there and the buzz created by Barack Obama's speech about the need to start cutting ties with the oil companies. It's pretty exciting, but of course, that's what convention speeches are all about - creating excitement and giving the candidates a strong surge heading into the fall.

Hey, it beats news that the Republican nominee for Vice President is in favor of teaching Creationism in classrooms. Oh my.

First, from a short essay on Thomas Friedman's new book is a call for action and a systems approach to ending oil dependence. In it is a quote that's been with me for the past few weeks:

"The Stone Age didn't end because we ran out of stone," he says. Likewise, the climate-destroying fossil-fuel age will end only if we invent our way out of it.

But he's not suggesting a new Manhattan Project. "Twelve guys and gals going off to Los Alamos won't solve this problem," Friedman says. "We need 100,000 people in 100,000 garages trying 100,000 things — in the hope that five of them break through."

Our current efforts are not only inadequate, they're hopelessly haphazard and piecemeal. Friedman argues it'll take a coordinated, top-to-bottom approach, from the White House to corporations to consumers. "Without a systems approach, what do you end up with?" he asks. "Corn ethanol in Iowa."

Ouch. Sorry, Iowa. You might want to make some calls to the good folks at Jiffy Pop to see how they're doing in terms of stock. You might have some corn on your hands to offload.

In the same issue is a rather lengthy piece that highlights a revolutionary new way of manufacturing, running and marketing electric cars. Intertwined with that are stories of a man and a company that I'd work for without question and I'm not the only one.

I know I rarely read lengthy links, so I'll give you the broad points here, but if you have a little time, I suggest reading through it or picking up this month's hard copy and reading through the cover story.

Shai Agassi is a relative newcomer to the electric car market, but has an impressive pedigree and no major hang ups with slaughtering America's sacred cows (like the internal combustion engine). After accepting to Young Global Leaders, he seriously sunk his teeth into environmental issues.

Starting with home energy use, he set his sights a bit higher and dove into the car market. That's where things started getting interesting. First up for Agassi was to outline life with an electric car and to work on batteries first - an issue since the invention of the first automobiles.

Car batteries, then and now, are heavy and expensive, don't last long, and take forever to recharge. In five minutes you can fill a car with enough gas to go 300 miles, but five minutes of charging at home gets you only about 8 miles in an electric car. Clever tricks, like adding "range extenders"—gas engines that kick in when a battery dies—end up making the cars too expensive.

Agassi dealt with the battery issue by simply swatting it away. Previous approaches relied on a traditional manufacturing formula: We make the cars, you buy them. Agassi reimagined the entire automotive ecosystem by proposing a new concept he called the Electric Recharge Grid Operator. It was an unorthodox mashup of the automotive and mobile phone industries. Instead of gas stations on every corner, the ERGO would blanket a country with a network of "smart" charge spots. Drivers could plug in anywhere, anytime, and would subscribe to a specific plan—unlimited miles, a maximum number of miles each month, or pay as you go—all for less than the equivalent cost for gas. They'd buy their car from the operator, who would offer steep discounts, perhaps even give the cars away. The profit would come from selling electricity—the minutes.

There would be plugs in homes, offices, shopping malls. And when customers couldn't wait to "fill up," they'd go to battery exchange stations where they would pull into car-wash-like sheds, and in a few minutes, a hydraulic lift would swap the depleted battery with a fresh one. Drivers wouldn't pay a penny extra: The ERGO would own the battery.

Damn.

This brings us full circle to a Jalopnik post today asking for a Manhattan Project style overhaul of the process, should Obama win in November. Funny, I had just talked myself out of that after the first link...

I think everyone would be well served by taking a meeting with Agassi and just getting a feel for what he's proposing. In one of life's little twists, Hawaii is the frontrunner for implementation in the United States, with a small land mass that is dependent on imported oil for all of its needs.

So, in a week of high ideals and grand plans that seemingly know no bounds, I point you in the direction of another one - Agassi's. It's a long shot right now and would require Americans to accept something different from what they're used to and see as their birthright - bigger, faster cars that can run through hundreds of miles of desert with the air conditioning on full blast.

Count me as someone who loves those cars - and has made no secret of his outright lust for the old gas guzzlers of the 1950s, 60s and 70s - but it's time to face facts and to stop chasing down the same arid dead ends.

Agassi seems to be on the right track - he doesn't think like normal people do.

When I ask Shai if he's worried about a competitor stealing his idea, he stares at me like I'm an idiot. "The mission is to end oil," he says, "not create a company."

It's worth noting

Without any editorializing or clouding what you will take from this, these three events that share the same anniversary, August 28.

1955 - About 2:30 a.m., Roy Bryant and his half brother J. W. Milam, kidnap Emmett Till from Moses Wright's home (in Money, Mississippi). They will later describe brutally beating him, taking him to the edge of the Tallahatchie River, shooting him in the head, fastening a large metal fan used for ginning cotton to his neck with barbed wire, and pushing the body into the river.

1963 - The Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. delivers his "I Have a Dream Speech" in Washington, D.C.

2008 - Barack Obama plays to a full house in Denver as he accepts the Democratic nomination for president.

It's a start.

Too Much Information

No more than 10 years ago, the professors at the college I attended were getting pretty nervous with the influx of Internet-related information as students increasingly used them for citation in papers and mock debates in the classroom.

At the time, the Net wasn't the finely polished tech superpower it is now, it was a bit ragged and had more of a Wild West feel to it. I assume that the fears were founded in the belief that information pulled from its pages wasn't necessarily on the level and were prone to a "here today, gone tomorrow" rule.

It wasn't uncommon for students who came to the writing lab where I worked to have printed copies of the cited pages as backup in case a site went down, went bust or wasn't easily accessed by the faculty. In some cases, that was just the norm for the professors as they tried to rein in the new technology.

While the mild hysteria surrounding the Internet has ebbed a bit, there are still plenty of shortcomings to address. Wired has a good culture review this month addressing the assertions that the Net makes us dumber, citing the history of new ideas and technologies as precedent.

On the contrary: The explosion of knowledge represented by the Internet and abetted by all sorts of digital technologies makes us more productive and gives us the opportunity to become smarter, not dumber. Think of Wikipedia and its emergent spinoffs, like Wiktionary. Imperfect as they may be, the collective brainpower contained within these kinds of sites — and the hunger for learning and accurate information they represent — is something human history has never known before. (Even Encyclopedia Britannica will soon be accepting user contributions.) Or consider the Public Library of Science: By breaking the publishing industry's choke hold on the circulation of scientific information, this powerful online resource arms scientists and the masses alike with the same data, accelerating new discoveries and breakthroughs. Not exactly the kind of effect one would expect from a technology that's threatening to turn us into philistines.

That's not what worries me, though.

It's not the anonymous nature of posting, not the deliberate misinformation that's placed into the data stream, nor the need to strike first with breaking, though incomplete news that clouds the issues for readers.

It's the tendency for the Web to cultivate echo chambers where all the common reader gets is affirmations of their previously held notions. That sort of informational stagnation can't be good for anyone.

While newspaper readers have always been subject to the real and perceived biases of their hometown newspaper - the Chicago Tribune essentially owned up to a shortcoming in their coverage of the 1968 Democratic riots in a special Sunday feature looking back 40 years later - it's magnified exponentially with online content.

Take Frank's example from last week where he wrote of his daily news intake in the form of two papers on a train ride. On any given week, he probably jumps on the sports section first and works his way back out through Metro and on to National and World news. Some days the train runs on time and he misses a story here or there and some days the train takes forever and in order to keep boredom at bay, he digs a little deeper into stories he'd normally skip.

In either case, he's more likely to see at least a headline that he'd miss completely with online content. My point is that with traditional newspapers, the readers are exposed to more things outside of their normal sphere of interests.

In contrast, my morning routine begins with three pages loading on my laptop - Boston Dirt Dogs, Deadspin and my fantasy baseball league (for the record I totally wanted to fudge my homepages to make me look cooler). From there I expand out, depending on when I need to be at work, but there are many mornings that I could completely miss news on the scale of another Chernobyl because my routine doesn't call for the Tribune, San Francisco Chronicle or other newspapers unless I have enough time.

Compounding the problem is the need to streamline content to avoid overwhelming the reader, which forces newspapers to offer a handful of the freshest content on the home page, making some of the second-tier stories hard to find and off the reader's radar.

Back to Frank, he would see references to conflict in some small island nation well before they become front page news and I would catch on.

All of this is predicated on the idea that the sites we're visiting have that content available in the first place, hence the echo chamber effect. To be completely honest, there's not a lot of room for the opposing viewpoint in a traditional web surfing session.

It's obviously not a lack of available content - as evidenced by my Google reader which is currently busting at the seams - but I think most of us have hit a point where we just can't physically put our eyeballs on even a fraction of the information that comes our way online.

Instead, we rely on aggregation sites to keep us in the loop. God help us if those gatekeepers fall behind or start rejecting stories outright because of personal or organizational blind spots.

It's an interesting paradox for me, where there is more information available and it's easier to access than at any point in human history, but the saturation point is miles beyond what even the most dedicated reader can sift through.

It's beautiful and a little heartbreaking to know that the truth is freely available to anyone in the world on virtually any event - especially with the explosion of citizen journalism - but the din of thousands of other stories make it impossible to find it in most cases.

I can only imagine the stories that would have been sent to all corners of the world from Poland in the late 1930s or the pictures that would have appeared from soldiers with digital point and shoot cameras from Robert E. Lee's army, had the same technology been in place.

The big question is what we would have accepted and what would have been written off as junk posted by alarmists and radicals.

(Image from:

We're not dumb, just choosy

A little over five years ago, the two major dailies in Chicago got into a turf war for the eyes and minds of the twentysomethings in the city.

The Tribune launched the Red Eye and the Sun-Times launched the Red Streak within weeks of each other, each screeching with shrill headline every morning. While some fresh content was added each day that was designed to appeal to the Lincoln Park crowd, most of it was the same content that appeared in the "real" paper, only pared down.

The message was pretty clear - "We don't think you have the attention span to digest the whole article, so enjoy this shorter version, dumbass."

I was not a happy panda when I saw what was happening.

On a particularly grumpy day, the Red Eye ran a small ad, asking for feedback in it's annoyingly snarky way. "Let us know what you really think," it said. "Go ahead, we can take it."

I sent an e-mail to let them know that I didn't appreciate being talked down to in print and that the problem wasn't the length of the stories, it was the content. In short, if they printed 100 or 1,000 words on steps for a healthy colon or on selecting the right retirement home, I wouldn't read either one.

They responded by offering me a spot on their reader panel.

After reading Frank the Tank's call to arms for readers of our generation, I'm filled with a renewed sense of outrage and a desire to help push content for my generation. It feels much like a space between hopefulness and a loss for where to begin.

Much like the traditional argument against the perceived liberal media bias - the reporters, while they may be liberal, are paid by a conservative old guard of ownership - I feel that newspapers today have a major blind spot with regards to what readers want and how they consume content.

Frank is correct in explaining how our generation consumes both hard news and celebrity fluff, but it goes beyond that. While people my age are now in editorial positions at the major papers nationwide, I imagine it's a hard sell on the content and budget side to craft better ways of delivering the stories.

I believe strongly that some of the most worthwhile content generated in the past half decade comes from the online departments, who piece together wonderful stories in a multimedia format. Pictures, audio and a splash of Flash do wonders for capturing moments and helping readers grasp the state of affairs in Darfur or understanding the emotions invovled with the post-Katrina mess.

While the major dailies are finally embracing these new ways of telling the story, they're a few years late to the party for my tastes. This isn't brand new technology, it just takes coaxing to get the big papers to engage in a degree of trailblazing.

So, where does this leave things?

Right where they've always been, with a little more "online only" content and the usual cut and paste jobs from the morning paper for the paper's web site. Breaking news can be added in a more timely manner, but I'm not seeing much innovation.

I read recently that both TV and print media are simply the competition for eyeballs to sell ad space and spoke to an AP reporter on tour this week who thinks that the smaller papers will lead the online revolution because of expense and the fact that they have long-standing ties with advertisers who will fund the switch.

My money is on history repeating itself - wait for the comet to strike and kill off all the dinosaurs which have grown too large to adapt.

(Image taken for Siberia, Minnesota)

The one in which the (new) bike is put on lockdown

Gentle readers, learn from my mistakes.

Not knowing what lines I cannot cross with a new bike on order and the insurance company cutting a check, I'll opt to focus on what I've learned about locks since yesterday. Suffice to say, never assume that your bike is bulletproof and know that mine was stolen in front of our shop, a doorman for the condos next door, a mailman and the knowing eyes of hundreds of geese.

Since then, I've trolled the Internet for the best in bicycle security and it boils down to a few keys points.

* Kryptonite is the gold standard for a reason. Some bikes are better known, but of lesser quality. I love the alternative/mom and pop companies as much as the next guy, but Kryptonite keeps coming out on top. I'm sinking my money into a lock and chain that require 10 minutes with power tools to break.

* There are a few levels for Kryptonite's products. Standard, New York and New York Fahgettaboudit. The NYFU is the top dog from what I researched. If you plan to buy on Amazon.com, don't be too afraid of the multiple combos and prices. Most are just different ways to combine one of the locks with one of the chains or are sizing variations on the u-locks.

* That pesky Bic pen issue that NAD referenced before? Done and done. Most companies have gone to flat keys instead of the old round ones. Make sure you're working with the flat keys.

* The best lock in the world won't help you if you a.) don't lock the bike at all or b.) don't lock the bike correctly. There are plenty of sites to help you out with this, but if you lock your rear wheel and frame to something solid, you're ahead of the game. Sometimes, Internet celebrities will even help keep you honest.

* When locking down your baby, don't leave space to smash a lock on the ground (or to push the lock down to the concrete where it can be bashed with a hammer) and try to minimize the space to sneak a jack or other prying device into it.

* Don't be a moron and leave your bike unlocked. No, not even to go to Starbucks for a second. No. Bad cyclist. Bad.

* Secure wheels, seats and accessories. Ask your local bike shop for help with this if needed.

* Be careful where you lock your bike. The location is important (not locking things to a dumpster behind a building is a good start) as is the object you're banking on. Parking meters are good, trees are good, bike racks are great. Sign posts for no parking signs or bus stops are not. Look closely, there's a bolt at the bottom that can be undone and your chain just slides right off.

* Try to avoid leaving your bike out overnight or outside for days on end. If you're doing this, chances are your bike isn't worth much and you stopped reading this five minutes ago.

* Know that Chicago is second in the nation in bike thefts. Damn.

(Image from: Danny M, who totally cheered me up with this screencap today)

The one in which the bike is stolen

With all apologies to Tony, the title of this post was the easiest way to disassociate myself from the theft of my wonderful bicycle late this morning.

At some point between 11:30 a.m. and noon, someone got next to my bike, cut or smashed the lock and took off with a very expensive, very awesome red bike. I've been rotating between anger and sadness since then.

I honestly think if some poor soul had been riding their red Canondale when I was out on tour that I would have run them down on a Segway and beaten them until I could check a serial number. It's probably for the best.

To answer the big question, yes, it was locked - with a Kryptonite lock, so to borrow from a comic I saw recently, I know it wasn't Superman who took it, but the rest of the world remain suspects - and chained up right in front of our shop on a busy street.

The kicker is that I lock my bike to the ceiling supports in our garage if we leave town for the weekend. Guess it makes my reluctance to park my bike with the bike valet in Grant Park a few weeks ago seem a little silly, huh?

It was a strange feeling to realize it was gone and somehow I've made it 30 years without a major theft in my life. Also on the plus side is the fact that the bike was insured, I can now check "yes" to "Have you ever been the victim of a crime?" on my jury duty sheet and my wife is amazing and got a new bike on the road to be here by Tuesday.

All told, I'm out a $15 fender and a cheap seat bag with nothing in it that won't be covered by insurance and I'm on the train for a few days while the new bike arrives. I'll also buy a minimum of two locks to really secure the Bejeezus out of the new bike and hound my boss into letting me park the bike inside.

The Girl assures me that the new, blue bike will be faster than the stolen, red bike. I'm a bit skeptical because fire trucks are red, not blue, but after her big day to get the loose ends tied up before I was back from the afternoon tour, I'm inclined to believe her if she tells me that Abraham Linclon was biologically a mountain goat.

I had to leave for a tour a few minutes after finding the bike gone, so The Girl came down from her office and filed the police report for me. She was told that another bike in the same price range was stolen earlier in the day, but wasn't insured like mine was. The officer on the phone guessed that 1 in 50 bikes over $1,000 are insured.

That's just crazy.

Chances are, I'll never see that bike again, which is a shame. It was a phenomenal bike, which meant a lot to me after just two months because it's the one my wife worked so hard to find to make for a great 30th birthday. My whole family chipped in and it was the first "low rung of the high end" bike I'd ever gotten.

I can't get that back.

Then again, if it shows up for sale with one of the shops in town, chances are someone will call the police. Canondale is a nice brand, but honestly, this has to be one of maybe three bikes in the city right now. I'm also holding out a little hope that someone dumb enough to steal bikes is dumb enough to try and resell them to a bike shop.

On Tuesday when I pick up my new bike, I'll be searching around for any extra edge in locking that bike down. My preference would be a strong cable with a keyed lock that connects to a hand grenade.

(Patent pending.)

(Image from: TreeHugger.com)

You can't buy class

I try not to be too much of a class warrior if I can help it - it's too easy to get caught up chasing your tail and coming off as an envious chowderhead - but every now and again I just can't help myself.

Tonight was the worst night I've had on a tour all season and it's safe to say that a few extra bucks in the pockets of the group in question had something to do with it. As I think I've mentioned here, I'm spending the summer as a guide with a Segway tour company and nothing puts the fear of God into our customers like knowing that the $500 damage deposit hangs in the balance.

Remove that natural barrier to asinine behavior and it makes for a long evening.

Without getting on too much a diatribe, it's worth noting that I rarely have to warn people too many times to take it easy on the machines. Step one is a gentle reminder. Step two is a "please stop." Step three is a "please stop" and a description of what will go wrong if they don't stop.

Now, steps four and five are rarely used, but four is Step three with a graphic description of the injuries that will follow (bonus points if it happened on my tour!). Step five had never been used before tonight, but entails threatening to cancel the tour on the spot.

The main thing I learned this evening is that if you verbally emasculate a grown man in front of Buckingham Fountain in full view of their friends and several families of tourists, they will refuse to make eye contact with you for the next hour and a half. They will also pout, avoid eye contact and continue to act like a child who has been quieted in church.

They will not, however, change their behavior.

Go figure.

At the end of the whole mess, the guy who had paid for the group came up and tried to slip me a $20 as a tip. To be completely honest, I didn't really want the money at that point, I just wanted to get on my bike and get home to my wife and dog as quickly as I could and so I skipped the portion of the end-of-tour procedure where we mention that there are tip boxes out.

I declined, but didn't want to make a scene, took the money and stuffed it into my pocket.

Here's my issue.

Acting like a jackass and then throwing a few bucks around doesn't make things OK. It's essentially a blank check for assholes to keep acting like assholes and then feel better about themselves when they're treated like children by someone who is willing to chew them out every now and again. Accepting a tip is, in my mind, saying that all's well that ends well.

On that note, I got home pretty quickly, grabbed The Girl and headed down to the all-night diner on the corner where we ate greasy food, laughed and left the whole $20 and a little more for our waitress, who just happened to be in on her night off.

All's well that ends well - sometimes you just need to extend the ending.

(Image from: SoulAssassins.com)

What we're really afraid of

A few days after I turned 30, one of the guys at the shop asked what I thought of the whole thing.

Off the top of my head, I jokingly offered that 30 was the birthday to feel bad about what you haven't done yet - I would save wrestling with my own mortality for my 40th. Still, I keep coming back to that point more often than I used to, and that has to mean something, right?

Half the fun of stalking old high school classmates on Facebook comes from seeing how you measure up. Are they married? Do they have kids? Are they working at a better place than you do? Are they in Boise or New York City? It's all a very complicated formula that we all work out in our heads to see where we are and where we're headed.

As my graduating class got out of college or moved ahead with their lives, it used to be about who was ahead and who was behind. Now, it's more of a race against the clock - though not an all-encompassing one - to get as far ahead as you can. In short, it's gone from achieving to impress others to achieving to impress yourself.

Lately I've been incredibly motivated by the desire to not leave anything left undone, unsaid or unattempted. I can't imagine I'm alone in this strange drive.

While the end point is a bit different, the overriding question remains the same - what have I done so far?

This was on my mind when I read a feature piece in ESPN the Magazine about James Felton, a NBA prospect who drank his way out of college, out of professional basketball and eventually out of chances.

When you read the story, it breaks your heart. It's about a young man blessed with natural talent and the requisite size to make a run at professional basketball, but lost the heart to play and eventually drank himself to an early death.

At the forefront of Felton's collapse was a strange series of events, lasting only one play in a game at a basketball camp, where Tracy McGrady went from a complete unknown to the guy who dunked on James Felton. while that is the major plot point, it's by no means the underlying message of the piece.

I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing for Americans who are bred to back underdogs and those who make it big in the world with nothing but their wits and a few dollars to their name, but we tend to put a lot of stock in living up to one's potential.

When that fails to happen, it's viewed as nothing short of a tragedy and much is made of the what could have been's. We're just as entranced by stories of success of little guys who became moguls like Marhsall Field and Jay-Z as we are of flameouts like we saw with Mike Tyson and John DeLorean.

So maybe one moment at an ABCD camp didn't ruin his life; his demons did. If, as he said when he was younger, he got his manhood from the game, maybe it was stripped from him that day on the court, for everyone to see. Or maybe it was just the tipping point for a troubled soul, one who never felt comfortable being what everyone said he should be.

God had given him the gifts of height and skill, but Felton could never handle the expectations that came with them.

"His family and people in the neighborhood always asked James, 'When you gonna buy me a house?'" (his wife) Rana says. "I'd tell him, 'You don't have to do this. If you never play again, I'm okay with that.'"

But Felton's life was entangled in the game. It was all he knew.

I think that the source of our morbid curiosity with tales of failure steams from a need for them to be cautionary tales. Just like funerals can be jarring reminders of the need to make our days count, these stories serve a similar purpose. They remind us to do our best to stay on track and try to live up to our potential, regardless of where those talents lie or how our potential may manifest itself.

Mainly, they remind us that simply being able isn't really enough sometimes.

While it's easiest to see cut and dried stories like Felton's in sports, where quantifying success is made simpler by stats and trophies, it's by no means localized there. For every pitcher who trashes is shoulder in AAA, there are hundreds of frustrated artists who need to work to support a family and musicians who never caught the right series of breaks to reach an audience that needed them.

Again, simply being able isn't enough.

As tragic as stories like Felton's are, they aren't the worst case scenario. I'm convinced that distinction is reserved for everyone else that we never even hear about who can't ever get off the ground high enough to crash and burn.

That's just a stupid, stupid law

In the fall of 1996, I was a college freshman in Green Bay, trying desperately to be cool and make friends.

One of the first people I met who wasn't a roommate or one of the escaped mental patients who lived on my floor was gold-star commenter, NAD. We bonded over our lack of respect for biology lab reports and hippie music like Dave Matthews Band and Blues Traveler.

It was a Blues Traveler/Wallflowers show that came to town that provided the first opportunity to venture off campus and NAD had a friend who had access to the school's passenger vans. As an RA, he could sign out the keys, load the van with people and claim it was a legitimate outing for students.

I quickly alerted said mental patients to the possibility of a ride and we filled the van without much trouble.

When we got to the show at the less-than-glorious Brown County Arena, we waited through the opening Wallflowers and got to the main event. Without thinking, one of the guys lit a cigarette - and let's face it, it wasn't the worst thing being smoked at a Blues Traveler concert - and was tapped on the shoulder by security a few moments later.

The guard told him he had to put it out because the arena was a non-smoking facility - in Wisconsin in the 90s, no less - but there wasn't much of a hassle about it.

Our guy thought a second and pointed to the stage and asked why he had to put his out if the bass player could smoke while he played.

"Do you want to take the time to file a formal complaint?" asked the guard.

"No."

"Then shut up and put out your cigarette."

The reason I bring this up is because the city of Chicago has determined that the actors in Jersey Boys - set in New Jersey, in the 1950s - cannot smoke on stage. Not even clove cigarettes. On stage. During a show set at a time when everyone smoked. Even in doctors' offices.

How stupid is that?

Worse yet, the whole issue came to a head because someone complained about the smoking on stage and took the time to file a complaint. A complaint that was probably more paperwork-intensive than the one in Green Bay that was refused by someone who had even less to do with their time.

As someone who recently saw the show, I have no idea how close the central complaining idiot had to be sitting to be bothered by smoking on stage, but it had to have cost them a serious chunk of change to get near enough to care.

Also, for those who think it's a bad influence for children, keep in mind the multiple f-bombs, scenes featuring adultery, petty crime and loan sharking and you'd have to be a highly functioning chimp to think smoking was the worst part of the show.

Oh, wait - we might have a winner.

From the Tribune blog where I first saw this story:

I wrote about the absurdity of this when the smoking ban was first proposed. I am no fan of smoking but to legally require that shows pretend that no-one ever smoked in the history of the world is absurd, unreasonable, damaging to the city's cultural reputation and injurious to art.

Yeah, and that, too.

(Image from:RealOne.com)

Yes...

This is a variation of a game I played with telemarketers when left on my own without adult supervision for a few weeks between moves from Chicago to Minneapolis.

Only, in that case it was a faster game because it was a game of "What?" and not a game of "Yes!"

Also, no one called me a moron. Jerk, yes. Moron, no.

An open post to the gas price created bikers

One of the biggest surprises in returning to Chicago is the explosion of bicycle riders on the city's streets. I think we arrived at the perfect storm of high gas prices, the green movement and cheap, accessible public transportation, but for whatever reason there are significantly more bike riders in our neighborhood this summer.

Normally, I avoid the lakefront bike path because it's just too difficult to predict when it will be jammed with people for a benefit walk or just the usual crowds heading to the beach. For anyone who has had to dodge toddlers wandering in front of your bike, you understand the issues that arise from shared spaces on the lake.

Not that it should be a drag strip for bikes, but a little personal responsibility from the people wandering along the bike path in flip flops while they burn through their phone's anytime minutes would be nice.

The better option for an experienced biker is to take the surface streets. For the 9 to 5'ers, a street with wide bike lanes is a slightly better alternative, especially when cars are gridlocked.

One of the biggest plusses for me when weighing my transportation options is the predictability of my bike. Door to door, it's 40 minutes on a bike. When I add a bus to a train, there's a window of 20 to 40 minutes depending on when the bus hits our corner and whether or not it's the weekend or off-peak hours.

It's apparent that others have done this math as well.

Unfortunately, a rising number of these riders are the weekend warriors, used to empty streets and drivers who aren't fighting the clock to get to and from work. The complexion of traffic swings wildly depending on the day and time, which is something that some riders aren't taking into account.

It's not enough to pull your bike out of the basement, slam the door and bomb down the streets to work in the morning. I've seen a handful of woefully unsafe bikes - bone dry chains that wail under the stress of small rises in the streets and bike paths, wheels that swing from side to side because they are several inches out of alignment and brakes that are there to decorate handlebars - and even more oblivious riders.

This post is for them, on the off chance that they stumble across it:

Hello Fellow Rider,

So you've decided to use your bike more often, huh? Great. Whether it's gas that costs over four bucks a gallon, a desire to go green or if you're just hoping to shed a few pounds as the weather is warm, we're all glad to have you. Biking can be incredibly enjoyable, and as a friend told me when I started commuting by bike, after the saddle sore wears off, you start to crave the ride and will get antsy if major storms force you onto the trains and buses.

Still, you need to take personal safety into your own hands. While biking seems like a fairly innocent undertaking, keep in mind the fatal accidents that Chicago's streets have seen this season alone. It's all about minimizing your risks and making it easy for cars to stay out of your way and vice versa.

While the ride down to the farmers' market or park is usally a breeze, commuting means there's another set of factors to account for.

* There's the car door problem, where you need to keep track of the cars stopped in traffic as well as those parked next to the curb. The driver grabbing their dry cleaning/iced coffee/kid from day care at 5:30 p.m. is probably not thinking to check for you. Look for heads in the drivers seat and be ready to brake or dodge to keep from slamming into an opening door.

It's much better to curse someone out as you safely glide past than to question them as you're laying in the street.

* Wear a helmet. Always wear a helmet. A little helmet hair that you can fix in the restroom at work is a much nicer fashion statement than trying to hide the scar around your head after you slam your skull into a curb.

* A pair of gloves helps, too. They'll save your palms if you go over your bars in an accident, protect your knuckles a bit if your hand goes through a tail light and might help take some of the strain off your forearms in city riding.

* Make sure your bike is ready for the extra abuse. Keep your chain greased up, make sure your brakes work correctly, keep your tires inflated and bring the whole thing into the shop when problems crop up. You wouldn't drive your car without an oil change for years on end, your new commuting vehicle needs the same type of maintenance, too.

While we're on the topic, a tune up wouldn't hurt, either. This goes double if your bike has sat collecting dust since you bought it in anticipation of Y2K.

* Don't jump the lights. I'm not saying you can't coast in and try to time things to keep your momentum going, but ducking in and out of crossing cars is an awful idea. I was stopped next to another biker this weekend as we saw someone rush past us into a red light. We could only shake our heads and mentally prepare our statements for the police.

* Obey the traffic laws. In one of the biggest beefs that drivers have, bikers run lights and stop signs, bike the wrong way down one-way streets and weave in and out of cars, making it hard to keep track of who is where. I'm not saying you can't ride against traffic for a few doors to get off your street, but use a little common sense.

Chances are that if you're biking two miles against traffic, there's another street a block over going your direction with traffic. Explore a bit and try to give the cars a break from looking for oncoming bicycles.

When you come to a stop sign, make sure you're going slow enough to stop. Make eye contact with the driver and chances are that they'll flag you through anyways. Nobody would blindly walk into an intersection on foot and it's just as stupid on a bike.

* Dress for your ride. In addition to wearing clothing that is comfortable, make sure you're not wearing a flowing summer dress that is begging to get caught in your chain or spokes. For guys, learn from my mistakes and watch the inseam on your shorts. The one appealing function of bike shorts is that you won't get them caught on your seat as you swing your leg over to get on or off.

I'm not saying I'm going to wear them any time soon, but just be careful. Plus, there's nothing more embarrasing than gliding up to work on your bike and hopping along as you try to get unstuck and keep your balance while smashing a testicle all in the name of fashion.

* Check your blind spot often. In addition to approaching cars, you also have to contend with faster bikes. If they're faster than you, chances are they've been riding longer and are going to be just fine. Try to avoid the surprise factor when they fire by you by seeing them a half a block back.

* If you are't sure that your bike will fit - bars and pedals - maybe you should err on the side of caution. As much as I fantasize about running a pedal down the side of the Mercedes that is hanging into my lane, it's probably not legal to actually do it.

* Give the bus some space, too. Aside from turning cars, the city bus becomes your natural enemy with regards to blocking your bike lane. I can't see a single scenario where bus vs. bike ends well for the bike.

* Leave plenty of time when you get started. I like the rule that I commute in and race home. You'll sweat less, should get in a little earlier and have time to throw on more deodorant if you need it and have time to fix your hairdo before you start working.

Aside from that, it's a matter of getting comfortable in your bike lane with cars next to you and learning to judge the weather before you leave home. Protect your lane, assertively keep your spacing from the parked cars and don't be afraid to stop if you run out of steam and really need to.

Bottom line? The streets are not a bike path and you need to keep your end of the bargain with regards to safety, just like the cars, buses, motorcycles and scooters. While it's certainly frustrating to keep an eye out for wayward pedestrians crossing in the middle of the street, it's all better than the alternatives.

While this list if far from all-inclusive, keep one thing in mind - If you hear someone shouting "What the hell are you thinking?" more than once every few weeks, maybe that's the perfect question to be asking yourself.

(Image taken for Siberia, Minnesota)