The one in which the bike is stolen

With all apologies to Tony, the title of this post was the easiest way to disassociate myself from the theft of my wonderful bicycle late this morning.

At some point between 11:30 a.m. and noon, someone got next to my bike, cut or smashed the lock and took off with a very expensive, very awesome red bike. I've been rotating between anger and sadness since then.

I honestly think if some poor soul had been riding their red Canondale when I was out on tour that I would have run them down on a Segway and beaten them until I could check a serial number. It's probably for the best.

To answer the big question, yes, it was locked - with a Kryptonite lock, so to borrow from a comic I saw recently, I know it wasn't Superman who took it, but the rest of the world remain suspects - and chained up right in front of our shop on a busy street.

The kicker is that I lock my bike to the ceiling supports in our garage if we leave town for the weekend. Guess it makes my reluctance to park my bike with the bike valet in Grant Park a few weeks ago seem a little silly, huh?

It was a strange feeling to realize it was gone and somehow I've made it 30 years without a major theft in my life. Also on the plus side is the fact that the bike was insured, I can now check "yes" to "Have you ever been the victim of a crime?" on my jury duty sheet and my wife is amazing and got a new bike on the road to be here by Tuesday.

All told, I'm out a $15 fender and a cheap seat bag with nothing in it that won't be covered by insurance and I'm on the train for a few days while the new bike arrives. I'll also buy a minimum of two locks to really secure the Bejeezus out of the new bike and hound my boss into letting me park the bike inside.

The Girl assures me that the new, blue bike will be faster than the stolen, red bike. I'm a bit skeptical because fire trucks are red, not blue, but after her big day to get the loose ends tied up before I was back from the afternoon tour, I'm inclined to believe her if she tells me that Abraham Linclon was biologically a mountain goat.

I had to leave for a tour a few minutes after finding the bike gone, so The Girl came down from her office and filed the police report for me. She was told that another bike in the same price range was stolen earlier in the day, but wasn't insured like mine was. The officer on the phone guessed that 1 in 50 bikes over $1,000 are insured.

That's just crazy.

Chances are, I'll never see that bike again, which is a shame. It was a phenomenal bike, which meant a lot to me after just two months because it's the one my wife worked so hard to find to make for a great 30th birthday. My whole family chipped in and it was the first "low rung of the high end" bike I'd ever gotten.

I can't get that back.

Then again, if it shows up for sale with one of the shops in town, chances are someone will call the police. Canondale is a nice brand, but honestly, this has to be one of maybe three bikes in the city right now. I'm also holding out a little hope that someone dumb enough to steal bikes is dumb enough to try and resell them to a bike shop.

On Tuesday when I pick up my new bike, I'll be searching around for any extra edge in locking that bike down. My preference would be a strong cable with a keyed lock that connects to a hand grenade.

(Patent pending.)

(Image from: TreeHugger.com)