You can't buy class

I try not to be too much of a class warrior if I can help it - it's too easy to get caught up chasing your tail and coming off as an envious chowderhead - but every now and again I just can't help myself.

Tonight was the worst night I've had on a tour all season and it's safe to say that a few extra bucks in the pockets of the group in question had something to do with it. As I think I've mentioned here, I'm spending the summer as a guide with a Segway tour company and nothing puts the fear of God into our customers like knowing that the $500 damage deposit hangs in the balance.

Remove that natural barrier to asinine behavior and it makes for a long evening.

Without getting on too much a diatribe, it's worth noting that I rarely have to warn people too many times to take it easy on the machines. Step one is a gentle reminder. Step two is a "please stop." Step three is a "please stop" and a description of what will go wrong if they don't stop.

Now, steps four and five are rarely used, but four is Step three with a graphic description of the injuries that will follow (bonus points if it happened on my tour!). Step five had never been used before tonight, but entails threatening to cancel the tour on the spot.

The main thing I learned this evening is that if you verbally emasculate a grown man in front of Buckingham Fountain in full view of their friends and several families of tourists, they will refuse to make eye contact with you for the next hour and a half. They will also pout, avoid eye contact and continue to act like a child who has been quieted in church.

They will not, however, change their behavior.

Go figure.

At the end of the whole mess, the guy who had paid for the group came up and tried to slip me a $20 as a tip. To be completely honest, I didn't really want the money at that point, I just wanted to get on my bike and get home to my wife and dog as quickly as I could and so I skipped the portion of the end-of-tour procedure where we mention that there are tip boxes out.

I declined, but didn't want to make a scene, took the money and stuffed it into my pocket.

Here's my issue.

Acting like a jackass and then throwing a few bucks around doesn't make things OK. It's essentially a blank check for assholes to keep acting like assholes and then feel better about themselves when they're treated like children by someone who is willing to chew them out every now and again. Accepting a tip is, in my mind, saying that all's well that ends well.

On that note, I got home pretty quickly, grabbed The Girl and headed down to the all-night diner on the corner where we ate greasy food, laughed and left the whole $20 and a little more for our waitress, who just happened to be in on her night off.

All's well that ends well - sometimes you just need to extend the ending.

(Image from: SoulAssassins.com)